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Humans are notorious /thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/for walking through li/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/fe convinced people around them are paying them more attention than they actually are. In /thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/fact, social psychologists have gone as /thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/far as to note this as the spotlight e/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/fect. I, mysel/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f, am known /thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/for /thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/fearing judgment and attention /thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/from others. I constantly look around with the internal belie/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f that people are aware o/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f every aspect o/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f who I am . In college, I saw my anxiety around criticism and judgment /thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/flow over into the classroom. I went into lectures prepared and capable, yet when it came to participating I hit an internal blockade. I would answer questions in whispers, scared that i/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f I talked normally I would be labeled as a “know it all” or “overly con/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/fident.” Every class, thoughts would run through my mind about the responses people would have i/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f I gave my ideas or participated. I soon realized that my habits were not strictly my own but were indicative o/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f a /thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/female custom. This was when I began recognizing a pattern in women and their norms when it came to being in positions o/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f power. This blog is a guide on trans/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/forming the /thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/female expectations o/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f leadership; The guide to going /thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/from bossy to boss.

Societal and Internal Expectations

Sheryl Sandberg, in the book Lean In, explains how societal expectations alongside internalized norms have hindered the progress o/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f women in the workplace. She speci/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/fically looks at how although society has seen major trans/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/formations when it comes to gender equality yet there is still a gap in leadership. Sandberg explains that “Pro/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/fessional ambition is expected o/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f men but is optional– or worse, sometimes even a negative – /thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/for women (17).” The lack o/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f support within society toward women and their career driven goals has unintentionally led women to place limits on their success. O/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/ften women will avoid climbing up the ladder in the workplace because they know the choices they make when it comes to proving themselves come with potential negative social repercussions. Men o/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/ften will be more con/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/fident in themselves and have higher sel/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f-esteem when it comes to ambition and success. From being boys, we see overcon/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/fidence in the interactions between male students and teachers. Boys o/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/ften commit something known as the male answer syndrome which entails an overeagerness to answer questions with the belie/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f they are correct regardless o/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f their lack o/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f knowledge or the potential /thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/for being incorrect. The social precedent /thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/for men is set at a young age, embedding the impulse to “take charge.”

Women, on the other hand, have learned through social cues and standards what their behaviors are to look like. Girls are expected to listen and answer questions respect/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/fully. Women are not meant to speak up or out on topics and are o/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/ften censored by authority /thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/figures. Sandberg explains that “We [women] consistently underestimate ourselves (29).” The societal cues that have been brought up to women /thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/form unconscious barriers /thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/forcing many women to believe that their per/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/formance is worse than it is. Many women then go through li/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/fe seeing themselves with the constant belie/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f they are heading toward /thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/failure. We collectively have /thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/formed a sel/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f-doubt that holds us back /thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/from going a/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/fter certain achievements. Women are overly insecure. Our potential to lead will be /thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/ful/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/filled when we overcome the sel/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f-schemas built on social “rules”, underestimation, and sel/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f-doubt. Our power lies in recognizing that there is a distinction between being bossy and being a boss.

How to Overcome…

Sandberg put it in the simplest terms: “All a woman has to do is ignore society’s expectations, be ambitious, sit at the table, and work hard (39).” The key to going /thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/from bossy to boss is recognizing that women and men are inherently di/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/ferent when it comes to their internal belie/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/fs and external expectations. Rather than trying to change the expectation, women must simply disregard them. When it comes to being accepted and respected in the workplace women must portray themselves as understanding and empathetic. In straight/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/forward terms, women leaders, more so than men leaders, may need to give orders nicely to avoid pushback. I/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f men see you as acting in /thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/favor o/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f a team they are more likely to take you seriously. Sandberg says “Think personally, act communally (47).” When women are leaders they are o/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/ften punished /thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/for making decisions with individual goals in mind but are applauded when they are negotiating /thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/for a group. In a work environment women must lead as i/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f they are taking care o/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f a team rather than controlling a team. I/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f they create an identity centered in concern and establish a label o/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f being “appropriately /thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/female (47),” they receive more positive responses /thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/from their colleagues. The main goal here is to act like a woman and think like they are the man in the room.

Our sense o/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f “sel/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f” is built on sel/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f-concept, sel/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f-esteem, sel/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f-knowledge, and our social sel/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f. The biggest contribution to the concept o/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f “the sel/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f” is the roles we play. Our roles are reliant on our ability to /thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/fake it till we become it. For women, success starts when we master the art o/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f /thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/faking con/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/fidence we may not initially /thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/feel. Power in this case comes when our sense o/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f /thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/faking it transitions into becoming it. We need to tell ourselves that leading does not make us bossy but rather makes us the boss.

Bossy to Boss

I mysel/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f am sel/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f-deprecating. My instinct when it comes to my sel/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f-concept is underestimating what I am capable o/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f and allowing /thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/fears to control my potential to be success/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/ful. The label o/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f bossy is used to degrade a /thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/female's assertiveness. To overcome the grip that “bossy” has on the /thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/female interpretation o/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f leadership, women must learn a new set o/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f norms. The steps to going /thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/from bossy to boss are simple: ignore society, /thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/fake con/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/fidence until you /thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/feel it, and know you can be success/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/ful.

Works Cited

Sandberg, S.., & Scovell, N. (2019). Lean in: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead. Al/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/fred A.��Knop/thrive/students/thrive-thursdays/bossytoboss/f.